In order to answer this question as honestly as possible, I reached out and asked some women about their experiences. Because the nature of this question is such a sensitive and personal subject we will keep their answers anonymous. However, I owe them my deepest gratitude as they were willing to be vulnerable and honest in sharing. (Look at Example 1, 2, and 3 in the list of questions.)
You will see how, in the examples, we all bring our own experiences to our love for Jesus. While our relationships will look different, they all have the commonality of a spiritual love. We want to be pure and clean in our passion and love for our Bridegroom. We each bring into the relationship our personalities and backgrounds, walking it out in our own way.
For instance, in the first example you will see that she is adamant about not using her imagination in her relationship with Jesus, whereas all my books are full of me using my imagination. Neither of us are wrong, and she explains why she doesn’t. We are each unique in our love for our Bridegroom.
There is a huge difference between romance and the sensual/sexual. Again, while in a healthy marriage, sex is involved with romance, romance is so much more than that. In true love sex is a part of the love story while romance IS the love story. Sex is two physical bodies becoming one. Marriage is getting to know who that person is—their heart, their dreams, personality, and what makes them unique.
Romance is the emotional side—warm-fuzzies, butterflies-in-your-stomach, feeling special, being treated with respect, and wooing and pursuing the other. It is each one making the other feel special and loved. It’s doing things together just because we enjoy being with each other, that “specialness” that makes us a couple. Typically it’s the woman who wants and needs to be romanced by the man who loves her, which is why, while women love the romancing of Jesus, men may find it uncomfortable until Holy Spirit awakens their heart to this relationship and that it isn’t sexual. While men find it easy to be romantic while dating, they often stop bothering after marriage, leaving a woman emotionally craving that intimacy and tenderness. A woman’s heart must be romanced, not her body.
For me it’s an emotional closeness and intimacy, of sharing every part of who I am, of having no secrets. I have secrets from my siblings and even my best friends, but I could share my secrets with my husband because I trusted him not to use them against me or judge me.
With Jesus I’m not thinking or feeling anything sexual, it’s just an emotional closeness and knowing. Even when we just walk on the beach and don’t talk it is intimate. I feel emotionally close.
Recently Jesus and I were hanging out on the futon and I told him I was tired and I was going to lay with my head in his lap. I said, “So I’m going to put the pillow under my head and pretend it’s your lap. Mmmmm, nice lap, but you have skinny legs.” Then I burst out laughing. It’s very hard to be serious with him. Often I just sit on the futon in the dark with him and neither one of us say anything, again it’s just that closeness. I love the peacefulness and rest as I sit by him in silence.
To know someone in a relationship you must create a history together, to share memories. The more you spend time with Jesus learning about each other, the closer you will become.
I was thinking about that recently when I thought of the perfect verse that consummates our marriage to Jesus, heart to heart. Remain in me, and I will remain in you…Now remain in my love. (John 15:4,9)
