“The other day we went to see a waterfall,” my friend Amy tells me, referring to her spiritual time with Jesus. “There were steps to walk down and he reached out for my hand. The look on His face spoke straight to my heart. There aren’t any words that I can think of to describe it. His face was just full of life and laughter.” She tells how they went behind the waterfall and had a tea party together. Hearing about it I thought, I want to do that!
Jenn shared this experience. “I was so tired and discouraged, and Jesus gave me a birthday party. It was so cool, and Jesus had a present for me. It was two rings, a red one for laughter and a purple one for grace.”
Again I think, I want that!
There are so many kinds of relationships we can have with Jesus, but even as lovers we will have different experiences. I talk a lot about how unique we are and that our relationship with Jesus is custom-made for who we are. Another way Jesus relates to us as individuals is through our own love language.
Many of you are familiar with Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages. In it he identifies five different ways we can feel and express our love. It doesn’t matter how someone shows their love to you, if it’s not in one of your love languages you won’t feel loved. The five are: Quality Time (time together to talk deeply), Words of Affirmation (“Dinner was delicious, thank you”), Acts of Service (I feel loved when you take out the garbage), Gifts (both giving and receiving), and Physical Touch (as in hugs, backrubs, cuddles, etc., not sex).
Knowing your top love languages, along with knowing what they are for the others in your life, is a marriage and relationship changer. For example, my husband Terry and I shared Quality Time in our top two, and we loved taking long walks together. However, then I have Acts of Service where his other one was Physical Touch. Here’s what that looked like in our marriage (until we learned about love languages). Terry felt loved through Physical Touch but I am not a touchy-feely person. He once asked me, “Why am I always the one who initiates a hug?” Understanding that he felt loved that way I began to initiate hugs, even though it isn’t my nature to do so.
Terry once told me he didn’t feel like I loved him. I was stunned, asking, “Who do you think keeps your Tums bottle by the bed full? Do you think it just refills itself?” See how my Acts of Service were giving him love my way? He hadn’t even noticed, because Acts of Service wasn’t a way he felt loved.
Jesus will love you through your love languages. He knows what causes you to feel loved and he responds to you that way. That means our special times with Jesus won’t all look the same. It doesn’t mean that Jesus won’t relate to you through all the love languages (I still like gifts occasionally), but it means he will interact more with you in your own way.
For example, I am a thinker and I want to talk about deep things, I don’t like random chitchat. Because Quality Time is so important to me, Jesus and I spend a lot of time talking and doing things together. Quality Time is what makes me not want to watch movies with someone. If I’m going to be with you, I want to talk with you and connect. I can watch a movie by myself. Having time together interacting is what makes me feel loved.
Gifts is one of my friend Jess’ love languages. She gave me this example.
“There was a time when I was studying in graduate school and I was absolutely starving for a cookie. I wanted one so badly that my mouth was salivating. Then, suddenly, my friend and labmate arrived with extra cookies and said, “Hey Jess, do you want a cookie?” And I was like YES!! And the Lord said to me, in essence, “I can give you what you need.” And it felt like such a sweet moment with the Lord. I felt like He orchestrated the whole thing to give me that cookie I wanted so desperately. I felt very loved and cared for.”
If Words of Affirmation is one of your love languages then Jesus will show his love for you through that. Years ago I had a young friend who loved dancing in worship, but she felt so ugly and clumsy. One day Jesus showed her how he saw her. She was dressed in white, beautiful, and graceful. She never saw herself the same way again.
What if your top love language includes Physical Touch? How can Jesus love you that way? I’ve heard many experiences where people felt Jesus’ touch, as in a feeling of electricity, warmth, or like oil poured over them. My friend Marilyn saw and felt Jesus’ hand as it lifted her downcast face up to look into his eyes.
Another friend told me how she was walking the track at the gym. She was tired and discouraged, thinking how she just needed a hug. Instantly she saw Jesus standing there. He put his arms around her in a hug that felt so real she has never forgotten it.
I was told by someone whose top love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch how she dreamed she was walking through a stream having fun with Jesus (Quality Time). Then they entered into a beautiful pavilion where they lay while he held her. It was all about being held and loved, secure in Jesus’ arms, not something sexual (Physical Touch).
Here is a beautiful example someone shared of their Quality Time. “This morning we walked under an umbrella of trees. Jesus told me that when He created the trees it wasn’t that all of a sudden they were there, like boom, here they are. He said that each tree is filled with details. He said he liked detail. I told Him I did too. He said that I’m a lot like Him. I laughed and told Him that I was made in His image. He laughed.”
Remember though, our experiences with Jesus rarely just fall on us out of the blue as we run around frazzled. We need to look for them. We need to give them a place in our lives to happen. Ask Jesus to open your eyes to recognize his love and then be watching and expecting to experience it. However, you also have to choose to believe that it’s him and not let satan steal it away with mind games.
Jesus grows us in our relationship with him in a way that is suited to who we have been created to be. He is with you and he is loving on you, in your own, special way.
Cookie Photo by Chaman Raj on Unsplash
Very interesting Brenda. I like to sit and talk out loud to Jesus very early in the morning when I first get up. I don’t have to worry about sounding boring or stupid. It’s the best way to start the day!
That’s great CW. Yep, he’s always an avid listener. :)
I am familiar with The 5 Love Languages and believe God does relate to each of us in personal ways. After all, He created us uniquely, so why wouldn’t He relate to each of us in special ways? Thanks for all the examples you gave, Brenda.
One of the ways I experience God’s love, and therefore feel very close to Him, is when He shows me something from scripture, like the original meaning of a word or verse, or how a scripture specifically applies to my situation. It feels so personal to me. I’ve often questioned what excites me more—what I’ve learned about God or that He is actually sharing Himself with me.
It is an incedible feeling to know that God relates to us personally, that we matter to him. No one is too insignificant for him. Yes, those times he shows himself to us are priceless. Thanks for sharing your own example Bonnie. :)
Thanks Brenda.
I am praying Jesus overwhelms you with his love. :)