I’m sitting here at Panera, having finished my bacon and spinach souffle. I’m still sipping on my latte, though it’s not as good as mine at home. But hey, sometimes you have to rough it.
Today I thought I’d address a question I’ve been asked several times.
Here is the latest version of it (thank you Joan):
“How do I resolve the fact that there are millions of other women in this romantic relationship with Jesus? How does that work? It feels odd and not exclusive.”
That’s a great question. After all, the point of a husband-and-wife relationship, or having a best friend, is its exclusivity. And yet, this intimate, personal, individual relationship is shared by both men and women alike, not only throughout the world but throughout the ages, and all with the same husband and best friend. Wait, what?
To have Jesus in love with everyone as his bride feels counter-intuitive to God’s Biblical blueprint of marriage—one man and one woman. Hence the feeling of jealousy with knowing we’re not his only bride.
How do we emotionally deal with that? I’ve had this relationship with Jesus compared to polygamy and other things I won’t name them here, but I understand the frustration. As a matter of fact, the only time I’ve ever had an angry email was from a woman who was upset with me over this issue.
Her pain and frustration were understandable. Her anger was partly born out of attending a church where all the women went around bragging about how Jesus was their husband. I assured her I would also be turned off by that. A bragging attitude cheapens what we have with Jesus. (After some emails back and forth we became friends, realizing where the other was coming from.)
I have been accused of taking something holy, beautiful, and personal and throwing it out there for the world to see (like those in church bragging about it).
On the other hand, I can remember in the beginning of this relationship how desperately I wanted to hear what other’s experiences with Jesus were, so I had something to learn from. Surely I wasn’t the only one who had fallen in love with Jesus.
I feel like if we can all share what we’ve learned and what it looks like for us, then we don’t have to struggle as long as I did going it alone. We can grow deeper much faster.
For example, I have a friend who doesn’t write her thoughts to Jesus like I do, she paints them. I’d like to try that. I’d never have thought of it if we weren’t sharing our Jesus-relationships.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that our relationship with Jesus is personal and private, and I understand how it can be hard and feel like something precious has been thrown out to the world when we all talk about it. Kind of like having your underwear hung out on the porch railing over the sidewalk.
My relationship is built on my history with Jesus—all our memories and experiences together. It’s not like a cookie-cutter romance. This isn’t “The Bachelor,” where one man is choosing one woman out of the group—we’re ALL winners, we’re ALL chosen. Because he is God he is able to be all ours, 100% invested in us. He isn’t sharing, he belongs to each of us with his whole heart. We each have all his love poured out on us. We can’t look at this relationship with human eyes.
The more experiences you have with Jesus and the more you see him as your best friend, the more you will see how unique your relationship is. It takes history together to build a relationship, where you have those private jokes and stories and experiences that are unique to you two. That means to pursue him deeper than just sitting together and cuddling, or gazing at each other. Those are great, but take it deeper. Ask him to show you the spiritual realm and teach you about it. Ask him questions and write your answers. Use your imagination and go places with him. Practice hearing him and using your spiritual senses. Ask him to show you his heart for others. Who we are, our heart and soul, should change because we’ve been with him. He deeply cares about others, is your heart for others changing?
I would say that if you feel some jealousy over Jesus having a bridegroom and best friend relationship with others, then the cure is this—spend more time with him. Grow deeper. Build a history of your relationship and you’ll soon see that what you have with Jesus is truly just between the two of you—and he only has eyes for you.
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Photo Credits:
Cat Photo by Tolga Ulkan on Unsplash
Dresses Photo by Charisse Kenion on Unsplash
Underwear drying “Underwear Drying on Balcony, Havana Cuba” by AdamCohn is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Sunset silhouette Photo by Ibrahim Fareed on Unsplash
Since you have such a romantic relationship with him what if he Marry’s a woman in the future? wouldn’t that affect you? knowing that you had a chemistry with him on earth or through dreams and visions to only find out that he’s going to marry a another woman one day. For me personally that would affect me and maybe it’s because the way I feel about him . I’m sure since he’s going to be king he’s going to have a queen, i’m sure father God would want his son to have a wife what if it’s not you or me ? To be honest I actually find it offensive knowing that I have a romantic relationship with him and that he has a romantic relationship with other women our relationship with Jesus can be so personal that his relationship with other people honestly affects me and other women especially if the relationship is so romantic and he has said and giving you things that no one else has, it does causes one to be jealous.
Yes Jesus loves everyone but still it’s that little jealousy that you get inside knowing that he Is lavishing his love on other people especially when you have feelings for him and yes I do believe its possible to develop feelings for him especially when you spend time with him it just naturally develops and your love for him becomes like a crush then the crush becomes love you fall head over heels for him! and that makes you even more jealous knowing that you have a crush on him, but yet you have to listen to other women talk about how romantic he is, that can be hard. Just my opinion to be honest, I do want Jesus to have a relationship with the body of Christ but the relationship I have with him does cause me to be jealous because I feel like my relationship with him is very serious and very deep and the things that I do with him is very personal to me and to know that another woman can experience that personal experience that I have experienced, that can cause deep emotional jealousy for me. And I am a woman by the way which makes it even worse :)
Thank you for being so honest. I understand. And yes, Jesus will marry one day and it will be to the whole body, and we can’t imagine what that will be like without a renewed body, mind, and spirit. But since it’s outside of my imagination I don’t tend to care much about that point in the future, I just know it will be wonderful. :) I also think that this may bother people more who have high competition in their personality, and I don’t, so for me I’m satisfied that what I have with Jesus is so deep between us that it doesn’t matter about others and their relationship. In fact, I just want to help others love him more, lol. However, I do understand how it can feel this way, and you’re not alone in it.
Thank you, Jesus, that my relationship with you is not like “The Bachelor”! Ha!
Though Jesus and his church are compared to an earthly marriage in the Bible, when I contemplate how God can have such total love for each of us, it helps me to think more of a parent than of a spouse. A father can have any number of children. Like you talk about concerning God, Brenda, the father has unique experiences with each one of his children. But he also has the same perfect, complete, and unique love for each of them (ideally) like God has for each of us.
I think your “cure” is right on: Spend more time with him. Grow deeper. If I begin to feel like someone has a better relationship with Jesus than I do, I first have to remind myself that God loves me no less and no more than any of his other followers. However, he does love me uniquely, so I need to spend time with him to develop my own one-on-one relationship. We are not in a contest. If we were, there would be no winners because our focus would not be on Jesus, but on ourselves.
Thank you, Brenda, for lots of good thoughts here.
(Love the cat photo!!)
Yes, thanks Bonnie for that great reminder of God’s love for his children. We are definitely each one unique, and thankfully there is no competition for his love. :)