FLOW VS. REALITY (Or, What Time with Jesus REALLY Looks Like)

Growing up I loved pretending. I was usually an orphan running away from the orphanage and taking some babies with me, meaning my teddy bear named Honey Bun and Alice, my doll. I set us up on a small, braided rug that was either a cave or a boat on a dark, stormy night. (This was based on the books I read and not reflective of my parents.)

My niece Jenn recently sent me a video (by alexarowe11 on Instagram) on what, as children, pretending is like as opposed to reality. The video begins with what it’s like to pretend. She’s wearing a beautiful costume in what looks like a movie. Then she shows the reality of pretending. She has nothing but a blanket draped over her head and she’s like, “So you hold the baby… we’re going into the forest NO WAIT! We’ve got to get the magic berries first. HEY MOM, CAN WE HAVE SOME BERRIES? Okay, so now we’re going to … WAIT! You’re sick and I’m going to give you the magic berries but… WAIT! Maybe I should use magic on them first so they’re HEALING berries!”

This video is hilarious because it is exactly how pretending goes versus the movie playing in our heads.

However, it also struck me how my edited Jesus-time stories look versus the reality. If I published how my Jesus time really goes you’d be asleep from boredom before you ever got to the story. My time with Jesus is a hodge-podge of asking questions, rambling, distractions, analyzing, and interruptions. Nothing happens seamlessly as we imagine it would or how we tell it as a story.

Today I thought I’d show you what my time with Jesus really looks like. The beautiful thing is that God isn’t fragile and can’t be chased away. Physical life interrupts us or we might get distracted but he’s always there waiting to enjoy us.

Here’s part of a recent afternoon I spent with Jesus where he is attempting (once again) to remind me that it’s about the journey, not the goal. The point is to be with him, not rushing off to a new adventure, lesson, or experience.

“But it’s hard for me to sit back and relax.” (I’m a pro at defending myself.)

“Are you bored?” Jesus asks teasingly.

I hesitate. “Okay, let’s admit that, frankly, I’m ready to move on with this adventure. Sitting around here is not like, you know, I don’t know what to do with it. Okay, it’s boring. But I can sit here with you and just focus on the fact that I am beside you and get my head on you instead of the goal.”

My head is all about what’s going to happen next. It’s hard for me to settle into the present. I’ve learned that that’s who I was created to be, to have purpose in everything. Like even if I’m just relaxing and enjoying my coffee, it’s for self-care. I’m not just randomly flitting around. It’s my personality and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as I don’t let it get out of control or drive me. Yet I notice Jesus is pointing this out so … 😂 (My socks are driving me crazy and I take them off.)

“Okay Jesus, I’m changing my attitude. I’m not going to rush to reach the goal. Let me just be with you. Teach me how to just be with you. Not for the adventure, the gifts, the stories, or to satisfy my love of the future. Teach me to just be happy in your presence. And maybe you can help me learn to hear better and we’ll carry on conversations that are longer than one-liners, lol.

I’m soaking you up by osmosis. What do we do with this time? Should I be learning something? Am I learning to rest in you? I don’t even know what the purpose of this is.”

Lol! I remind myself, “There doesn’t have to be a purpose Brenda.” Oh yeah. 😂

(I had to go unlock the front door and turn the dryer on longer.)

I know we don’t have dry skin in the Kingdom. But there are some physical things that are so lovely. I love the feel and the smell of lotion. In some ways it’s nice to be physical.

I don’t know what to do. I’m ready for somewhere different. Got any ideas? Until you think of something we can sit here and look out the window and relax. (I give a big yawn.) You’re not boring me, I think it’s hunger. Don’t we yawn when we’re hungry? 😁

I just want to look at you. I just want you to feel my heart for you. I do have to guard against getting distracted by all you’ve taught me and shown me and done with me and I’m overwhelmed by it. I have to be careful, while not forgetting and learning the lessons, that my focus is always you. I don’t want to live on the experiences of the past. I want you now. You yesterday isn’t enough, and you this morning isn’t the same. I want you this very moment, this second, you and me together. I want you to know my heart for you, to hear my words for you, to experience my contentment in your presence. Only you. You are more than enough. (My mom opens my bedroom door and asks what I’m doing.)

You are the God who sees, the God who hears, the God who speaks. Somehow, you are a God who loves me and wants to spend time with me in the midst of a world of billions of people, whom you feel the same way about. But I don’t have to worry about all those other people. For me it is you and me together.

(I’ve chatted with Jan, got Mama’s pudding, and have my coffee now.)

I find my thoughts wondering, then I think how my goal is to focus on Jesus. “But this is why I do things with you, because I’m not very good at just sitting and doing nothing and waiting and listening. I feel like my mind is wandering now. No, I am NOT bored!”

As you can see my time with Jesus doesn’t happen seamlessly the way I would tell it as a story. Just because I write about my times with Jesus don’t think they happen perfectly. They’re full of everyday life that has been edited out to make them flow instead of being boring and rambling.

I’ve also learned a valuable lesson – time doesn’t pass in the Kingdom realm and you can pick right up where you left off. God understands having physical-life interruptions.

Grab your notebook (I prefer talking into my phone), find a private place, and relax. You’re not always going to get the deep stuff or experience something amazing. The point is to be with Jesus.