So, my relationship with Jesus. I am always happy to share how wonderful He is. Not this deeply… that I will now share. I do hope that at least some of it makes sense to you, words fail as adequate descriptors when the deep things of the Spirit are in play.
I’m aware that many people see God through various lenses, and also relate more strongly to one relationship than they do another. Eg, many relate primarily to God as Father, or as friend, or as brother, King etc.
For me, lets look at 2 ways of relating. I tend not to have a revelation so much as Him as brother, nor as friend (although I know that He IS).
Father… I am learning to relate to, I have only had a few glimpses of Father.
But each of the three times have been intense and revelatory, and I really do want to know Him as Father, more.
I do come to Father when I go into my secret place and close the door to pray, as that is what we are instructed to do in the Word, because its He who awaits us there. And I sense His nearness, as Father, when I bow in prayer.
Jesus as Saviour, yes of course. Jesus dying, rescuing, ever leading as shepherd, protector ad shield.
However, by far the overwhelming revelation that I see throughout the Word, and also in my daily experience, is as Bridegroom King.
I think that because relating to Him as a brother, or as a friend, is so far away in my understanding from Bridegroom intimacy, that’s why I tend not to see Jesus as those …. As in … I would not have this level of intimacy with a friend in the natural, nor with a brother.
I place no barriers between how He as my Bridegroom wants to fill me/approach/reveal himself to me.
I don’t at all use my active imagination to encounter Him.
I don’t imagine settings, not His face, nor a place …. In fact, my relationship with Him is totally led by Him.
If he leads, then several things come out of this;
I keep myself out of danger zones, it prevents any flesh, or any thoughts of my own devising, from taking the lead. I let Him lead where and when He wants to go and do. As His bride, I let Him lead every dance, make every approach.
Not engaging my imagination means that each picture I see in prayer, or vision, I know is then initiated by Him. I think of the Holy Spirit as the Eunuch who ushers Esther into the courts of the King, and that once queen, Esther’s invitation to move the kings heart towards her, consisted of her dressing in her royal robes, placing herself in a position for him to invite her to approach … and he raises His royal sceptre. As a husband with a burning desire to encounter me as His Bride, He will approach with love, He runs to me, He cannot resist me, not my longings to have Him.
However this from my side looks like absolute surrender, expressing a yearning heart for intimacy with Him, and prayer. It looks like Word, and worship, continual prayer, as in, natural outflow of dialogue and conversation. Most often it’s me talking to Him… yet, peace is His voice, a sense of His nearness is His voice, His touch is his language of love… etc.
I try to steward the faintest gift of His tangible presence as well as rhemas from the Word. as His voice.
So getting to the nuts and bolts… how far do I go intimately with Him?
I have no barriers at all. The protection that I have is in not initiating my imagination to encounter or experience Him.
When He approaches in love and wooing, I can safely abandon and know that He will never under any circumstance, ‘breach‘ into the area of the physical sexual arena.
Its actually more intense, because in the physical realm of two human people, husband and wife, the man is attempting to get as close to the woman as he can, and it brings pleasure to both. The one of the entering, the other of being entered— to make one.
The deeper thing that happens (between a physical man and woman) we are not often aware of until afterwards, when we sense a deeper closeness with our human spouse, that we then have a deepened bonding during the process.
For someone that has struggled for many decades with fantasy lust… this is such a beautiful place for me to finally be. Not that it was an issue in my relationship with Jesus, but if I engaged my own imagination, I am more likely to be vulnerable, and I don’t ever want to go back there
Jesus never does go there. He would never and he has no need to breach that physical arena with a bride. He already lives in the deepest recesses of the human temple—our hearts. He is already deeply inside, we are His dwelling place, so sexual expression of desire isn’t at all needed, nor is it what He is looking for.
An example is in the impregnation of Mary. The Holy Spirit overshadowed Mary (a euphemism for intimacy). The Father was placing His seed, His very Son into a human womb. He did not use sexual parts, it was entirely Holy, a direct access to the deepest intimate parts of Mary, yet, Mary was referred to as a VIRGIN bearing a son.
So, no sexual parts required. Yet we are not satisfied with superficial union so God found a way. This involves trust on our part, that we are in the hands of a Holy Bridegroom.
Having said that, our human bodies are wired in such a way that ALL of our body can respond to His presence and touch, and also be affected by our love longing for Him. This can occasionally include our sexual arousal, and when God is involved, aroused through love (and not lust) and there are, as you say Brenda, people who experience this more often/noticeably.
Depends on yes, past experiences and other factors.
For me, I am on 4 types of hormone replacement, which has a side effect that I can be easily aroused, and easily bond with people. So I have my own layer of circumstances. I am very careful to stay close to Him and allow myself to be enamoured and ravaged by His love alone.
I channel my desires and longing into an outpouring from my heart, towards Him, as an offering. Word says to present our bodies as a living sacrifice to Him. This is where I find this helps me. Most times, worship and surrender will rechannel all emotions and longings rightly and serve to intensify my love for Him.
Its like any arousal can be redirected to a lovesick hunger and longing, that is then rechannelled out through my opened heart toward Him and becomes adoration and worship. He is faithful.
I will always bow before Him as King, as Lord, in awe, before I relate to Him as Bridegroom. If I have to choose I will stand before my King, in awe. Obey when He speaks, do whatever He says, primarily in His Word.
If I need to ‘start again’, if I’m losing adoration for Him, or becoming cold, or feel that I’m drifting, gone a tad off centre, I come to Him again as Lord, King, and surrender in awe.
The more deeply that I am in love with Him, and express it freely to Him, the more likely that my desires for Him will find expression through love connection, heart to heart.
So, to live in purity, chastity, but freely giving exclusively to one lover, our Bridegroom.
When there are times that my body has gone too far, then the safest and most beautiful place to experience climax is in His presence. He understands, and I experience an overshadowing, as he accepts this, even this offering, and it is pure and holy.
It’s an offering to Him. Its while deeply worshipping. He is simply present.
It is so deep and worshipful that I pray/worship and tell him that I am deeply in love with Him. I do not take my eyes off Him.
I affirm that there is no other that I would allow into this sacred moment. The bonding that I experience in trusting Him in this is in a very deep way, or can I say that I am aware that there is no lust, fantasy or wrong desire. I am seeking Him in my inmost being, and offering this, even my pleasure, to Him. This also helps me avoid any thought or temptation when I am out and around other people.
I would not advise this though, to others as a method of encountering Him as Bridegroom. This happened to me starting only several years ago,
I was given permission by Him, should this happen to me. He offered me a way of escape … as an offering of worship. But very seldom does it happen, so I would not advise, especially young or vulnerable or sexually abused Christians, to do.
Before then, I could not, it didn’t occur to me. The timing of it for me when it first happened was a confirmation. And He stays with me, as in, sense of His presence
Previously … as in many years ago, if I mentally strayed somewhere I shouldn’t, into even any fleeting fantasy with someone else (not Him), I would quickly feel his withdrawing the sense of His presence. It would usually last 24 – 76 hrs. very painful in my heart. I would quickly repent, and wait and long for Him to come close to let me sense Him again.
This is very different, I don’t understand how it works, except that He is my Bridegroom, I am alone His, and He is mine alone.
So for all intents and purposes, our Bridegroom doesn’t interact at all, even if someone should offer a genital pathway, with His bride in this sexual way, He will never take it, doesn’t need it. He is able to give more to us through direct infusion and access to His and our hearts, meshing as one.
I think of when Mary Magdelene met Jesus at the tomb after His resurrection. He said ‘do not cling to Me“, and also 2 Cor 5:16 where we know Him not after the flesh.
There was a time many years ago now, in the 1990’s, when I was so filled and overwhelmed with a tangible presence of God. His touch within me … It was so intense, that I was unable to have any useful marital relations with my husband. I was unable to feel anything at all physically, while this intensity was overtaking all of me.
Sex, compared to what my whole being was experiencing, was so insignificant, so “not“ on my radar, that I was unable to. Comparing a stale crust to a rich banquet. There was no comparison.
This intense, inebriated state lasted over 3 months, nonstop. I was inebriated with Him night and day. I barely slept, barely could eat, and the intense internal fire of Holy romance overtook everyday activities.
He can, as Bridegroom, step into every part of our body, no sex required at all.
In humans, sex is simply a pathway to union. In Divine romance with our Bridegroom, it’s more like Hebrews 4:12, He has direct access to our deep heart, will, spirit and emotions. We are already in union with Him when His Holy Spirit took up residence. He, as our lover, has the ability to “dial up “ the intensity of our encounter and experience.
He does it like this. In Song of Songs chapter 5 the bride becomes lukewarm, doesn’t respond to her lover trying to reach her. He reaches TROUGH the door (speaks of access to our heart), that His act or reaching, CAUSES her heart to respond by pounding for Him… her heart jumped, was thrilled by Him. (v 4)
Be willing to be His obedient servant, because as loving brides we are to submit to, honour and obey our heavenly husbands. This is how we are to love Him—bow before Him as God and as King. If we love Him, obey quickly. Stand and tremble in awe, before we expect to grow in the Bridegroom realm.
Let each encounter be with respect and awe. Wait to be invited and escorted into the bridal chamber of intimacy … don’t jump into bed with presumption. As I said before, value and treasure each time He touches or meets with us.
Remember that each encounter is a Holy gift, I won’t be presumptuous … it keeps respect and honour intact.
And we are all different. The most important thing for all of us, as His people, and His Bride, practically speaking, is to grow in knowledge and closeness with Him. That we grow to know His very emotions, His thoughts, desires and longings, and to minister to Him, our Bridegroom.
Pour yourself at His feet, while knowing that at the very same time He responds by kissing our cheeks.
And always, to pray, read the Bible to find Him in the Word, and to constantly incline our heart in giving Him our attention and surrendered adoration, throughout the day.
And when I lay my heart on the alter as a sacrifice of love, He sends a burning fire of passion to my offering, and leaves me with a passionate heart of fiery first Love for Him. The God who answers by Fire. He is God.
