I was only twenty when I married Terry but by then I had learned to be independent. My high school years were spent in boarding school in Bangkok, eight hundred miles from where we lived in south Thailand. I came to the USA for college at age seventeen and by the time I was twenty I had flown around the world alone.
That independence was hard on Terry. There were times when he didn’t feel like I needed him, that I could do everything on my own. I had to learn to let him in, to swallow my pride and admit to myself that I needed his help. Even if I felt I could do it myself I needed to let him help me. As my husband he wanted to be a part of my life, to be involved, to be needed.
As you walk out your days beside Jesus, are your arms full of stresses and burdens, offenses and hurts, while he’s walking beside you with empty arms? When Jesus offers to help, is your response, “No, I’m fine?”
What I write about is usually my fun times with Jesus. Traditionally we hear a lot about taking our troubles to him and I like to share about the things we don’t typically hear. However, it struck me this week that there is the flip side of our fun with Jesus and that is when we’re hurting. I have had plenty of times when life has been too intense to sit around laughing and going on spiritual adventures with Jesus.
How is your relationship in the hard times? It’s awesome to love Jesus so dearly and to have fun together, or sit gazing into each other’s eyes, but if you’re not letting him help during the hard times you’re missing out. I don’t mean that you beg him to help and then stay worried and stressed. Letting him help is a choice. It’s speaking life over the situation and then trusting him with it. We often ask Jesus to take the problem but we never actually hand it over, and then wonder why we don’t have his peace. Or we beg him to “fix it” or give cursory prayers here and there and expect things to suddenly be fine. However, we must change our attitude and actions. When he said to choose life or death he meant in everything. When our heart is heavy we still have to choose life, and that may be many times a day, until we can trust him with it.
This past week I told Jesus, “I’m just bummed today. My heart is heavy.” You could say I prayed but I don’t care for that word. It sounds too formal. To “pray” sounds like an event, not a lifestyle. Praying is to specifically stop what I am doing in order to present my request. It denotes a specific action. Since I’m talking with him from the moment I’m feeling stressed or hurt or bummed, I don’t need to formally take it before him in “prayer.”
For much of our married life Terry worked from home or we worked together. The first time we worked together he was the manager of a Christian bookstore and I worked under him. He ended up firing me but that’s another story. Whatever happened in my life or how I felt about it was shared with Terry. I didn’t have to specifically approach him with my petition for help. He was generally around when anything happened and was a part of it, or I shared it as soon as I could. Together we walked through the hard times and the good times. There wasn’t any formal approaching his office when I needed something, I walked right in and we talked.
It’s like that even more with Jesus. He’s there, why do you need to formally approach him in petition, unless you’re not letting him into your “real” life. I’m not saying you don’t get before him and dump your hurts on him, I’m saying he knows your heart and should be involved as life is happening. Later as you get time you can sit together and talk it out. However, that’s merely a continuation of the conversation and relationship that is already going on. It’s not a separate action or performance with a specific label.
As Jesus’ bride there are plenty of times we need to cry on his shoulder, or rest our soul, or dump our feelings. One thing I quickly learned was that just being with Jesus lightened my heart.
If we fall apart when the hard times hit, we need to grow deeper. Our relationship should to be mature enough to bring us comfort, to carry us, and to give us wisdom and discernment. We need to receive his answers on how to deal with the issues. We need to be familiar enough with our Bible that we understand not only his character but his promises. We should be able to call upon his resources, lay our burdens down, and walk away with peace. That’s a choice we make, the burden will rarely spontaneously combust into thin air. We choose to walk in that peace because we see the issue from Jesus’ perspective and not our own. I’ve learned to say to Jesus, “You love me, I trust you.” And then lay it down and watch what God is doing, knowing that he is in it with me.
Sometimes, when something is heavy on my heart, I run to him several times a day. If I realize my heart is crying out to him in pain over and over I stop, refocus my eyes on his face, and let him calm my soul. Since he and I have been talking about the issue all along, I just need him to hold me, to wash away the dirt of stress or worry or fear or frustration or hurt. I need to hear his perspective on it. It’s harder to hear when I’m busy so I make time with him when I can, but that doesn’t stop me from pausing in my day and adjusting my perspective and my attitude of trust, so that I come away lighter. I know I’m not alone and that he’s going to give me wisdom and discernment in the situation. He will give me the words to speak to the spiritual realm that will change the outcome. As I walk through my day I know he’s walking with me and my eyes are on his face. When it looks like the world is crumbling around my ears, when it looks like I have no future, when it looks like the ones who are dearest to me are struggling, my Jesus is in it with me and he’s got my back.
The fun times with Jesus are great and we can fill books with stories (I do), but life is made up of a lot more than that. So is a relationship with Jesus.
I enjoy Jesus, but he’s also rock-solid and steady, my strong tower, the one I run to for everything I need or want. He’s my next heartbeat, the breath in my lungs, and he carries my heart in his hands. He’s wonderful in the fun times but let me tell you, he’s priceless in the hard times.
When you think you can’t make it, when your heart is breaking, when life is overwhelming, he can carry you above the waves. He walks steady beside you so that everywhere you go and in every aspect of life, you do it in tandem with him. You are never alone, never on your own, and never facing hurt, stress, or trouble without him.
Know who it is that you love. Grow past the fun times, so that on the days when “fun” isn’t in the picture you’re still walking steady, eyes on his face. He walks with you but you have to let him in, you have to acknowledge his presence and learn to let him carry the heavy things for you. He doesn’t want to walk beside you empty-handed and useless while you do all the heavy lifting. Put your pride down, your independence, and your distractions, and let him help.
(To read some of my “thoughts” to Jesus during my hard times click HERE.)
How do I give Jesus feelings I don’t want? Like how do I give him like not good feelings in my heart? Like if I get mad? Like when will he take them away? Like how do I like physically like to give them to him? Does that make any sense? So you two don’t have fun all the time?
Unfortunately Jesus and I definately don’t have fun all the time. There’s enough “real life” in there, but my relationship with him is a choice. I can choose to give it to him a thousand times a day or I can choose to worry or stress or be mad. It’s certainly easier to choose death, lol, but it’s still a choice. We don’t (at least I don’t) get to that place where we never get mad again or choose death again, so it’s not just a permanent “fix.” However, the quicker you catch your attitude and the quicker you change it, the more you’ll see that your attitude is changing and you do better and better. Don’t wait until you “feel” not mad or scared, that isn’t happening. But you’ll find that as you choose to change your thoughts and words, the feelings will come easier and quicker. Just tell him how you feel and ask him to help you change. :)