I like this magazine cover of a man worshiping. I get a lot of questions about how men relate to Jesus as their Bridegroom. Loving Jesus as our Bridegroom is for men and women alike as we are all his bride, and in the end men, too, will make up Jesus’ bride.
Men can have the same intimacy with Jesus that women do, and it’s not a “sexual” thing (see also my FAQ question–“Can a man love Jesus as his Bridegroom?”), it’s a “married” thing, that soulmate/knowing each other intimacy, that laughing and talking and sharing your heart. It’s catching their eye across the room and knowing what they’re thinking. Did you know that the word for “bride” in the Bible means “son’s wife” or “daughter-in-law”? We use the word “bride” to mean engaged, but in God’s eyes we’re already married. In the Jewish culture to be engaged was as binding as being married, hence Joseph being able to divorce Mary because she was pregnant, even though the wedding hadn’t officially happened (as ours in heaven hasn’t yet happened).
Many men have this intimacy with Jesus as his bride, and many times they’re often worship leaders, because a worship leader, to truly lead people into the inner courts, must grow closer and closer to Jesus in intimacy. I love these older songs, though you can find many current ones. Look at David Ruis’ song “True Love,” Evan Earwicker’s “Dance With Me,” Kevin Prosch’s “I’m in Love With You,” and Paul Wilbur singing “Dance With Me.”
While men generally prefer to live the adventurous, dragon-slaying side of the Christian life, there are now more men than ever who are falling in love with Jesus and identifying with the disciple John. Women crave romance and a heart-to-heart relationship, we crave being pursued for ourselves just because someone loves us beyond anything else, so I believe it is easier for women to relate to being a bride, but I’ve known of many men in love with Jesus.
I geared my book The Wild Romancer towards both men and women, putting a quote by a man about loving Jesus at the beginning of each chapter. Here is something a man wrote after reading it:
If you are a Christian man and want to experience more adventure and excitement in your life, then read this book. If you have ever felt God’s presence come upon you and you are hungry for more of Him, then read this book. If you are tired of the same old routines, and think there has got to be a better way, then read this book. You can wait until you get to heaven to experience a real, exciting friendship with Jesus, or you can read this book and see that it is possible to experience heaven on earth today. J.
The “Afterward” in The “Wild Romancer” is written by my husband Terry, who talks about not only being married to a woman in love with Jesus but about being a man with his own passion for his Bridegroom Jesus. He had danced with Jesus and experienced a closeness with him, yet they mostly hung out as guys. He had enjoyed doing things with Jesus spiritually, not necessarily physically, for example, they’d played golf together. Intimacy with Jesus isn’t about sexual things nor is it just girly stuff like hugging, it’s doing things together, having fun, telling jokes, hanging out, just BEING together!
Here are some responses I’ve gotten from men about loving Jesus:
Your love for Jesus is something I am really reaching out for. I don’t know Him like you do yet but it stirs something deep in my spirit. I want to give Him the space and the time in my life so I can really know Him face to face right now, not just as an act of faith. P.
And this one.
I am a man. Does that pose a problem? Can I share the same intimacy with Jesus like you do? I must say, as I read the afterward by Brother Terry, I was cleared of most the doubts and fears that I had. Your frank and true statements have broken the hindrances of fear and doubt that had held me back from progressing further. J.
Another one.
Dear Brenda, I was so excited to find your site, I began having “intimacy times” with Jesus while I was away in the summer, I felt to return home and share these with friends and previous congregation members (I was a Pentecostal Pastor for 10 yrs) people are listening to me albeit with a degree of skepticism, the doubters are asking from where I got this information or who’s book I have read, I told them truthfully that the Holy Spirit led me into this, your writings and your site are more confirmation that I have not “lost it.” I have read everything your site has to offer and if it is any comfort to you, the same information came to me through revelation, I look forward to receiving your book/s and hope that your site continues, I noted with a laugh that you address your writings to women, I am a man who is in love with Jesus, blessing to you and your husband. D.
Mike Bickle talks about falling in love with Jesus in his book “The Pleasures of Loving God.” He had been stunned after an incredible experience in his office culminating with God telling him “that the message of the Song of Solomon would become the focus of my life and ministry for the rest of my life.” He goes on to say, “I have to confess that my first emotional reaction was one of dismay. The Song of Solomon seemed to me to be about roses and beauty and fragrance and flowers. I thought to myself, This is horrible! It was a love song, and I was actually a little bit discouraged about being called to proclaim this message for the rest of my life.
I even prayed, “Lord, I’m a boxer’s son. I’m a tough guy’s son! And now I’m called to be a bride of Christ guy? …
At the time I didn’t understand the significance of this message and ministry focus. I asked the Lord to give me a different type of ministry focus. I wanted a message that was more masculine. I suggested to God something deep and powerful like the Book of Romans, the Book of Revelation or the life of David. I wanted God to give me something that was manly! I figured that it would be better for God to give the Song of Solomon to a woman’s ministry.
But in time, God changed my mind about this. I have learned that being the bride of Christ transcends gender. Indeed, men are the bride of Christ just as women are the sons of God. The bride describes a position of privilege and of nearness to the heart of God. It is an invitation to experience deep intimacy with God. Many men of God in the Bible walked in this exalted privilege of intimacy with God.”
Brent Curtis and John Eldredge talk about this relationship in their book, “The Sacred Romance.” “We are lovers. The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the Garden culminates in the wedding feast of the Lamb. ‘I will take delight in you,’ He says to us, ‘as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so I will rejoice over you,’ so that we might say in return, ‘I am my Beloved’s and His desire is for me.’”
This relationship as the bride of Christ is for all of us, though it isn’t a necessary one, we’re allowed to choose what our relationship with Jesus is. If you want this intimacy with Jesus all you have to do is ask, and keep asking, let him know that you’re serious. Pursue him and he’ll show up, and one day you’ll realize that you have a passion for him that is all-consuming, and you’ll never be the same.
I had such an intimate time with the Lord Jesus today when I experienced what some call ecstasy for a long time, at time it was electric and I just did not want to leave His presence.
I have had many intimate times before with the Lord telling Him how much I love Him, but today was very, special. I felt that my soul was being ravished. The joy was so wonderful.
Being a man, I was constantly afraid of the sexual connotations that were coming with this experience. I had to keep telling myself this is my soul, my heart, this is not my body, this is not sexual. It was hard to receive and understand what was happening without fighting off embarrassment and guilt. I told the Lord, that I wanted this all the time. That He is mine and I am His.
After this very powerful experience, which has left a strong and lovely residue in my heart, I wanted to search the internet to see if people, especially males, had this type of experience, because I needed to confirm that it was genuine and right.
I eventually came onto your site where you talk frankly about how we can get the sexual mixed up with the spiritual in our intimacy with Jesus. That really helped me to see that the devil wants to stop that intimacy I am having.
You talked about men having this type of experience. What you wrote about Mike Bickle helped me, because I was also having those words from the Song of Solomon and was not comfortable with those images for a man. But in the end, I realised that if I want to have this experience with Jesus, that all I need to do is come into His presence and declare ‘My beloved is mine and I am His’.
So thank you for you website, it helped me at this very special time.
May the Lord bless you in your walk with the Beloved.
Oh, what an amazing and wonderful experience! I’m proud of you for being so honest and vulnerable in sharing. You are not alone in struggling to separate the physical from the spiritual so don’t worry about it, just keep your focus on Jesus and asking for his purity and joy as you grow deeper in walking with him. I’m also proud of you for taking the time to seek and learn, that shows a maturity and strength of character. What an amazing call to fall in love with Jesus, and I know it’s hard to see this in human terms, but your heart is burning for the God of the universe, and his heart is for you. You are his beautiful creation, and yes, it isn’t about sex, it’s about his love as it pours over you, igniting your soul and spirit into his. I also love that you’re seeking truth and seeking him, not just aan experience. That’s another sign of maturity. I suggest you also take the time to get to know him as a best friend, his big sense of humor, his eyes when they look at you, and his sharing of hearts. He’s great fun to hang out with, whether it’s walking on a (spiritual) beach, riding (spiritual) horses together, or whatever sounds like fun. Thanks so much for sharing!